Perhaps the most famous quote about watermelon comes from the cherished cinematic classic “Dirty Dancing,” when Baby proclaims that she carried one.
The phrase has become a universal shorthand of sorts, a way to indicate that in that awkward moment, when face-to-face with the impossible hotness of your crush, you were only capable of saying the dumbest thing possible: “I carried a watermelon”.
Truly timeless and relatable content.
Now, though, we live in different times, where instead of lolling the summer away at our family’s cabin at an idyllic resort in the Borscht Belt, we now schlep sparkling waters to an Airbnb, where we fumble with the lockbox while chipping in on someone else’s second mortgage.
Yes, we now live in the era of “I carried a Watermelon Waterloo”, and sadly there’s no Patrick Swayze to help us with our spaghetti arms. Just a random person to text when the AC goes out.
But we digress! Let’s get back to this sparkling water, shall we? The weekend just started.
The nose on the Waterloo Watermelon is bright and fresh, with notes of green apple and, of course, the ubiquitous bubblegum, that strange doppleganger that follows us through watermelon sparkling waters like a shadow.
Overall, we like what this foretells. The natural fruit essences combine harmoniously with some more artificial aromas that we don’t actually mind. It smells honest.
How does all this land on the palate?
Much like the nose, the flavor arc is quite similar. We start with some accurate bitter vegetal realness, then a strange bubblegum moment converges into the fully RnD rendered watermelon candy.
There’s a straightforwardness to this flavor that we like. It manages to capture the essence of a natural watermelon combined with the best of artifice. And the distinct Jolly Rancher Watermelon Finish imbues you with a lilt of nostalgia.
Now, let’s be clear: we don’t actually like Watermelon Jolly Ranchers, which are objectively and empirically the nadir of Jolly Rancher’s flavor roster. But the candy notes are faint enough here to just gently invoke vague feelings of nostalgia. The feeling where you’re happy to run into your childhood nemesis once again, after the long dark stint of your adulthood.
It is fascinating how something you didn’t like, from more innocent, simpler times in your life, can often be twisted into something you actually like later in life, after the straightjacket of late stage capitalism has made you realize how good you had it when candy flavors were the most offensive thing in your worldview. Hating watermelon jolly ranchers is straight up adorable when cast in that light, and we welcome the fleeting, weird comfort of artificial watermelon as a small ray of light of late.
Like Baby in a dreamy ‘50s Catskills summer, we want the soft focus of halcyon days, the taffeta skirts and kitten heels. Waterloo Watermelon serves in some kitten heels in peak summer.
We hold Waterloo’s watermelon execution in high regard. It’s rolling in the grass and sucking on a lollipop. This watermelon is innocence embodied.
Like all innocence it doesn’t last.
In the meantime, don’t put this baby in a corner.
(Sorry. We had to do it. But come on, we did have the time of our life, and we owe it all to Waterloo.)
Purified Carbonated Water, Natural Flavors
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