Welcome to this edition of RuCroix’s Bubble Race, the competition where Sparkling Waters show off their charisma, uniqueness, nerve and carbonated talent in order to be crowned America’s Next Sparkle Superstar.
Today we’d like to enter Miss Tangie onto the runway for your consideration. (Sissy that walk, kitty girl).
The sassy, citrusy sparkler that stole the hearts of America by being that intoxicating mix of bubbly and bold. Had we ever sipped such a sight before?
Say it together now: Miss Tangie…Miss Tangie…Miss Tangie.
Sure, this Tangerine comes in flashy South Florida orange packaging, complete with some epically questionable aesthetics (that font!), but what’s beneath the surface that’s gonna enchant us with that succulent carbonation and an irrepressible flavor that can only be the unmistakable eau de Tangie?
When we first meet Miss Tangie, wafting her way to our nose, we’re hypnotized by sweet candied aromas. This is a freshly peeled Cutie, bright and intoxicating. It’s a good one and a total contender for the main prize. We want more.
We want to see this tangerine strutting down the runway in full Tangeranza Eleganza. Basically, save this one from elimination and let’s see how Miss Tangie measures up against the competition in our four main categories, shall we?
If there’s one phrase that’s burned in your skull at this point, it’s “Miss Tangie”, and you’ll be repeating it over and over like an incantation because praise the lord, this is a well-timed death drop into our mouths.
This isn’t winning the mere mini-challenge, no, this is trouncing the competition in the Maxi Challenge, stomping all over the runway, snatched and slaying.
And this Citrus Queen is not to be confused with Orange!
Tangerine is a sweeter and stronger flavor than a simple orange, color and citrus similarities to the side. Tangerine oozes charisma over Orange. Yes, we said it. The library is always open in the Bubbleverse, and we already know, Reading is Fundamental.
Well, yes! We had to wrack our brains to even think of another solo flavor Tangie out there. (We love you Simply Organic Tangerine Lemongrass, but you’re ineligible from competition here.)
And yes, there’s Weller’s Tangerine, along with a host of other tangerine cannabinoid sparklers out there, but any Tangerine + CBD is gonna be slightly danker and therefore the purity of the solo tangie is sullied.
(We discovered that Jelly Belly has a single-flavor Tangerine, but um, who is out there drinking Jelly Belly seltzer? Let us know if we’re missing out and we’ll get on it stat.)
Basically a Tangie by any other name would never be Miss Tangie.
This tangie is all nerve. This is not a flavor that is afraid to make waves.
While some of the other flavors from LaCroix’s Bubble Family can be a little thin and forgettable (Looking at you Lime-i Imfurst and Peach-Pearlie Hides), this one isn’t afraid to do what it takes to return with a vengeance after getting eliminated first, based solely on their nerve (and the support of the entire internet).
This is sunshiney grit in a can. It’s serving us glow ups and waistlines cinched to the gods. Michelle Visage approves.
This tangerine sparkles and bubbles and it werks. It’s fierce to the last drop unlike some of the lesser bubbles who lose their aromas and fade into the citric acid also-rans. Yes, it’s maybe a little over-the-top and extra on the outside, but it’s a top notch flavor queen through and through.
So do we have our new reigning superstar? Well, it’s close.
Here are some fascinating metrics: In a study done by Priceonomics, LaCroix Tangerine is indeed as esteemed as we thought. Charting only behind the sparkler that’s beguiled a generation: Aquariamousse.)
Sadly, until Miss Tangie is crowned victor by the bubblemaker himself, RuCroix Charles, we’ll have to call this one a runner-up. But a truly deserving beloved fan favorite nonetheless. This tangerine will never have to lip sync for its life, only its LEGACY.
It’s that deep, gutteral
voice taste for us.
And now, until we meet again for Bubble Race All Stars, where we’ll be rooting for you Miss Tangie, it’s time for us all to sashay away.
👉 In all seriousness, The Bubbleverse is a huge supporter of the LGBTQ community, and have been heartbroken at how the pandemic has impacted the drag community and their ability to bless us with their craft.
If you want to learn more and help out, check out feedthequeens.com.
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