If you are a loyal and dedicated Sparkling Water Devotee, then you are familiar with LaCroix.
And you are no doubt familiar with the fact that there are different strains of LaCroix, like strains of cannabis. Ok, maybe not quite like that. But there are strange, evocative names that make us want to partake of the dankest bubble flavors. Cúrate, Nicola.
So what is cúrate? At first we thought it was given its own distinct line because the flavors come in combinations. There are no single flavors of cúrate, instead, they’re always an intriguing blend of something tropical, tangy and refreshing. Pomme Baya! Kiwi Sandía!
But, then we remembered no, there’s cran-raspberry and peach-pear, regular old LaCroix flavors that come in blends, too. So what exactly sets this exotic, non-english-language-labeled can apart?
We did a little Nancy Drew-ing on the Internet, and unearthed a 2014 LaCroix press release announcing the launch of cúrate. We learned some valuable information, and feel it is our duty to pass it along.
First of all, cúrate literally translates to “cure yourself”, which is a hilarious and bold statement, considering that sparkling water is just carbonated water and some flavor essences. We appreciate the moxy though, and certainly enjoy outlandish claims. We mean, we are creating a towering monument to all things bubble water here, so we’re kind of on that wavelength.
And let’s be honest, sparkling water always cures some deep-seated pit of sadness in our hearts, so it’s kind of accurate.
Second of all, the cúrate line is “inspired by the romance of French and Spanish cultures.” So next time you crack open a Piña Fraise, don’t forget to bathe yourself in all of the cultural romance you’re about to ingest. It’s right there on the front of the palate.
But, once again, let’s be honest: when we talk about “curing” ourselves, we are almost always really referring to going on a trip to France or Spain. So actually, this tracks, too.
Also, they also keep saying “fantastique” instead of “fantastic” in the press release. We thought we were extra here in the Bubbleverse, but this press release is next level. We really just can’t get enough of the masterminds behind LaCroix PR. Can someone introduce us, please?
And this brings us to our favorite cúrate of them all: Múre Pepino.
Let’s get down to brass bubbles: The nose. We absolutely adore the vague aroma that wafts up on first pop. It’s a delightful combination of faded floral potpourri and lavender pastilles. We are getting French countryside and Proustian daydreams, and it’s not just the Monet/Manet-like cucumbers painted on the can.
This is where things get tricky and we can’t quite explain why this works. Cause this works. But this doesn’t really taste like blackberry…or cucumber. And yet because of the subtle fruitiness cut by the aromatic idea of cucumber, we totally agree that this is created in l’esprit de múre-pepino. We love it.
Sometimes you don’t want to be beaten over the head with an accurate flavor, you just want to bask in the flow of their vibe. Like a sweet nostalgia for your Parisian lover.
This is blackberry-cucumber impressionism, the flavors mimicking the fanciful art of the can. And perhaps the foreign language twist is also emulated in the flavor profile: something grows hazy in translation. The harshness glossed over in the vowel-driven French of it all.
The bubble structure in cúrates is slightly more gentle and reserved than in normal LaCroixs, too.
We don’t want to tilt at windmills here, but if we had a suggestion, it would be for the blackberry to actually have just a little bit more tang. Impressionism isn’t just muted dreamhaze, afterall. We’ll leave you here with this quote from the master himself:
“Color makes its impact from contrasts rather than from its inherent qualities….the primary colors seem more brilliant when they are in contrast with their complementary colors.”
What do you think? If you can actually find the taste of cucumber in this let us know! We love to parlez pepino around here.
"only carbonated water, naturally essenced"