In our Waterloo Lemon-Lime review, we waxed poetic about the love affair between lemons & limes. Perhaps we waxed a little too poetic, because we now believe that the truest twin flames in the citrusverse are Orange + Grapefruit.
This one snuck up on us: at first we thought it was a pleasant enough addition to our grapefruit rotation. But over time we noticed ourselves reaching for it more & more, until we discovered it had firmly rooted itself deep in our bubblebrain.
Much like grapefruit and oranges, our brains have now become citrus hybrids, part flesh + neurons, part orange + grapefruit. We weep whenever we see the empty hole on the AHA shelf where this should be.
Like a cordyceps mushroom, this sparkling water has buried a spore deep in our hearts, controlling our thoughts, enticing us to climb to the canopy of the sparkling forest, latch our jaws firmly into the highestmost branch, and die there, our dessicated bodies now having become only a vessel for further sporulation of AHA’s Orange Grapefruit across the internet.
And you’ve been guided here because you’ve had a similar seed planted in you, perhaps some time ago. You are here to complete your transmogrification.
Allow us to colonize your mind.
On first crack of the can, the nose is deep orange, candylike, juicy, citric, sweet. The grapefruit is nowhere to be found, perhaps because it is busy silently burrowing, nesting itself into your deepest desires.
So first off, we need to say that there’s nothing about this that overtly indicates that it’s about to hook itself so deeply in your being. It’s really good, don’t get us wrong, but if you’re looking for a grapefruit that grips you at first sip, head over to Waterloo’s Grapefruit.
No, something about the Orange Grapefruit smouldered in us for a while, weaving some subconscious snare before we realized we were, without knowing it, strung like a rabbit from a willow branch.
The Orange comes first, rolling in enshrouded in the familiar AHA candyhaze, a succulent citrus emanating a Jolly Rancher halo. It’s not sour, it’s juicy and sweet, in the way that AHA’s flavorwizards, deeply steeped in Coca Cola’s tastebud hexcraft, manage to invoke sugar without actually involving it.
As the orange blooms and blossoms, a fascinating sleight of hand occurs, and suddenly, seamlessly, you are in the Grapefruit, a clean and mellowly bitter dimension that disappears the orange into a wash of pink citrus that finishes suddenly.
The overall experience is, again, pleasant enough, and you have no idea that you are now forever bound to the Orange + Grapefruit katamari, which will slowly continue to roll around inside you, accumulating the various parts of your Self, dissolving you into itself until you become solely fixated on drinking yet another AHA, emptying a 6-pack down the black hole that you once called your throat.
At least, that’s our experience. Is this a warning? Or an invitation?
Only one way to find out.
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